“Oh, if only I could react differently!” How often do we say that to ourselves?

But the secret is: you don’t have to react; you have to act. This means you have to actively do something else to avoid falling into your pattern.

Yet, for this transformation to truly kick-start, there's a phrase you need to delete from your vocabulary: “That's just how I am.”

It's a phrase that might echo louder when you're

• putting off that one task again and again,

• skipping your morning workout,

• spend time with people who entertain this phrase and want to stick to it,

• feeding your negative emotions & stress with delicious night-time snacks,

• snapping at a loved one because you're overwhelmed

• or choosing to stay in rather than socialize.

But here’s a truth bomb: those feelings of doubt or hesitation? Everyone has them.

Yep, even the people who look like they’ve got it all together. On the surface, they may seem like they’re on top of their game, but scratch a little deeper, and many are wrestling with the same uncertainties and self-judgments as you are.

Brain Breakdown: From Wired to Wonderful

Your brain is designed to be efficient, relying on patterns and routines to conserve energy. Once a pattern is established, it becomes the default setting. But just like updating software, the brain’s patterns can be reset and refreshed. So, this sentiment that we're somehow pre-wired and unchangeable is a cage I am helping you get out of today. This blog post is here to guide you and lead you toward the identity shift you truly desire.

The last road map you need for finally rewiring your brain:

"Ditch the Old, Embrace the New!"

(aka the journey closer to the true you – one pattern switch at a time)

1. Self-reflection time, baby!

Catch yourself when that "that's just how I am" thought sneaks in. Is it the real you or an old, rehearsed script? Dedicate a daily 5- to 10-minute morning ritual for introspection. Journal, meditate or simply take time to listen to yourself, delving into the core question: "Who am I beyond the labels and titles? Is this really me, or is it a pattern I've learned over time? Why am I really repeating this pattern if I want something else?"

2. Your pattern has a past. Understand the Roots

Just as every planted seed has its roots, so does each pattern and behavior. Understand the 'why' behind your reactions. Did past criticisms make you defensive? Does fear of failure make you hesitate? Only by understanding them can you have the ability to change them. Why? Because this gives you space to grieve them. Then move on. No need to pity yourself longer than necessary, dedicating some time to this is enough.

3. Imagine Your Ideal You

Instead of merely re-acting, envision how you'd like to act. How you’d like to show up. If a situation frustrates you, instead of lashing out, how would the best version of you respond? By visualizing a more positive response, you're creating a new pathway in your brain, one that you'll be more likely to follow the next time. I'm not advocating for 'toxic' positivity or to put it differently, 'dishonest' positivity. Responding in an unkind or distant manner doesn't serve any good purpose. You can be assertive, and perhaps even elegant and gentle. People often listen more closely in such cases. However, you can prioritize the other person's needs in that moment, show attention, and then introduce something kind. This approach fosters greater mutual understanding and stronger bonds.

4. Strategy Shifts: Your New Playbook

Just as a boxer has a counter for every punch, you need a counter-action or every negative pattern. If you're prone to negative self-talk, counteract it with affirmations. If you tend to isolate yourself when overwhelmed, counteract this by reaching out to a friend or family member. It's about implementing new actions rather than eliminating old patterns. Through these new actions and habits, you'll become accustomed to feeling healthy. To apply these new actions, you can use the format 'After I... I will...' For example, 'After I wake up, I will take my supplements,' or 'After I brush my teeth, I will do 15 minutes of morning stretching.'

5. Practice, keep at it, and see change

Changing habits is a challenge, no doubt. But with continuous effort, new behaviors replace the old ones. It's like upgrading your personal software; stick with it and the updates become the new norm. You’ll feel differently. You’ll have new results. You’ll want different things. By consistently choosing a new response, you're forging a new path, making the old one less traveled and eventually overgrown.

6. Feel yourself

While navigating the spectrum of emotions; it's not an endorsement of perpetual whining or dwelling in worry. No, this is grounded in science. It's proven that to free ourselves from the grip of emotions, we must fully experience them. This allows you to embrace the light-hearted, radiant, successful and well-connected person you aspire to be. People frequently inquire whether I'm always this cheerful and bright. More often than not, I am. And when I'm not, I'm engaged in the process of understanding and acknowledging my emotions, ensuring that a state of neutrality or happiness flows naturally to me.

7. Learn how to grieve what you’re losing

While it may seem counterintuitive to celebrate the significance of grievance, acknowledging its importance is essential for personal growth, healing and fostering stronger interpersonal connections. When you suppress your feelings, they can build up over time and lead to stress, blur, anxiety or physical health issues. Expressing grievances in a healthy way provides an emotional release and frees you from a lot of things that weigh you down.

I’ll provide an example: Do you usually indulge in sweets in the evening? Well, ceasing this source of joy can be a melancholy experience, even though you're replacing it with a healthier habit that will ultimately bring you greater happiness. In this particular moment, letting go of this pattern may be difficult and bring a sense of sadness. The benefits will manifest only in your life later.

For now: Mourn the old you, the pain masked with food, the challenge of shedding old beliefs, the difficulty of transformation, the safety in resistance, and the comfort, stability, and joy of the familiar. Acknowledge these emotions, move through them and ultimately set yourself free.

Now that you've got a plan, go rewrite your story.

Just remember: little steps lead to big jumps. Change takes time and effort. But be kind to yourself throughout.

🌸 Final quick tips: Ask three friends to describe you in three words. Their take might show you a new side of yourself.

👯 And instead of the same old get-togethers, try something new. Connect with people differently. Join a group, go on a retreat, or take a workshop. Make connections that matter. The Personalities, Networks and Events I showcase in my newsletter are ideal for discovering new opportunities and exploring new environments. Stay curious!

Absolutely remember that this journey is ours to share. I'm right here, ready to walk alongside you.

Don't let your next step be in doubt:

☕ Reach out and join my weekly tea time every Tuesday and Wednesday.

It's a dedicated 20 minutes where we can connect and chat.

No sales pitches, no strings attached.

Just a genuine conversation and insights tailored just for you.

Let's start making those impactful shifts in your lives together.

I stand beside you at every turn, cheering you on.

Yours,

Maria Vanessa

Founder, Inner Aesthetics